You are in this time of the interim
Where everything seems withheld.
The path you took to get here has washed out;
The way forward is still concealed from you.
The old is not old enough to have died away;
The new is still too young to be born.
—For the Interim Time by John O’Donohue, from To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings
Welcome to the Interim Time. Welcome to the club you never wanted to join. O’Donohue’s poem perfectly captures the middle space of divorce, when your old life is over but your new life hasn’t begun and you live in an awful limbo.
Next month will be the one-year anniversary of the day my marriage ended. The end of a twenty-two year relationship. The end of the happy family fantasy I’d built my life on. The end of what I thought would be my future.
These months have passed in an agony of denial, bargaining, anger, grief…all the stages but acceptance. Some days I get a glimmer of the peace that hovers on the horizon, but I’m not there yet. I sit in the rubble of my former life, lacking the desire and the direction to rebuild.
A few weeks back, I was wandering through my local library—wandering aimlessly being one of my new pastimes—when a book on the “Noteworthy” shelf caught my eye: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.
Happiness? The word sounded foreign. Like some exotic port of call I’d like to visit. How long has it been since I’ve thought of my own happiness, much less felt happy?
A spark of desire ignited when I began reading The Happiness Project. And soon the idea for this blog was born. What if I pushed myself to build a new life, to find happiness again…and created a space for others going through the same thing?
As far as you can, hold your confidence.
Do not allow confusion to squander
This call which is loosening
Your roots in false ground,
That you might come free
From all you have outgrown.
I planned to start this blog and my own happiness project on April 1. What better day to begin anew that April Fool’s Day, right? But I procrastinated, enjoying the anticipation of happiness more than I suspect I’ll enjoy the hard work of building a new life.
But it’s time.
And as O’Donohue says, the roots are loosening the false ground I’d planted in. Being from Florida, I can’t help but think that all this loosening ground increases the risk of sinkholes. Watch out for those. No doubt we’ll encounter a few on this journey.